I have to tell you something.

It was early February and my boyfriend I were driving around thinking about where to go eat. Things had been good lately, I felt so in love and happy. All the time I spent with him was so meaningful, and I saw a future with us. He brought up his lease ending next month, “I think I’m just going to get my own place this time, I’m sick of having roommates.” he admitted. I didn’t say much, I was busy thinking. ‘Maybe it’s time we make the next step in our relationship, I would really like for us to move in together‘, but I didn’t tell him I thought that just yet.

It was the night before he was leaving for a work trip, where he would be gone for a week or so. I knew if I didn’t say it now I would probably loose my chance and so I finally got the nerve to bring it up. I was hoping that if anything, the time away would give him more time to think about it. I spent hours fiddling with the words inside my head. I was so nervous. I had no idea how he would feel about it, and it was scary thinking there was a possibility he wouldn’t want to. “Where do you think we are?” I said after he turned the lights off to go to sleep. Confused he said, “What? What do you mean?”. I replied feeling silly, “Like where do you think we are in our relationship?” It was obvious he was a little taken back from my questioning. I couldn’t blame him, it was coming from out of no where. He said, “I don’t really understand..” and we went back and forth for a little until I finally spit it out, “I mean like..I would be ready for us to live together. I think our relationship is ready for the next step. How do you feel about it, or have you thought about it?” After a quiet second he said, “I haven’t thought about it..” and that was the end of that conversation. He hadn’t thought about it.

I was kind of crushed, but I had hope. I wanted to bring it back up after a couple days, just to see if he was giving it some more thought. The nerves of the conversation made it nearly impossible. One day while talking he mentioned that he had been talking to his friends about it, and that gave me a little piece of mind. I felt like giving him some time and space, while he was away, to consider it more would be good. I planned to approach the conversation again once he was back.

He texted me early one Thursday morning, “we are coming back today.” I was so excited. It had been a week since I had last seen him and the time difference made it hard for us to talk a lot. That day I was busy working two jobs, but before I went to my second job of the day I came home to have lunch. ‘Weird‘ I thought to myself, ‘my period still hasn’t came..‘ I was about three days late, which wasn’t completely abnormal, but I had been having symptoms for a couple weeks. I had an unused pregnancy test in my bathroom from a different time my period was late, but eventually came. I decided to take it. Sitting in the bathroom I thought to myself, ‘It’s going to be negative and then my period is going to start tomorrow.‘ We were not trying to have a baby, and we were definitely not ready for a baby.

I sat on the toilet waiting for the results. ‘Must be a faulty test, it’s not even showing anything. Oh well, probably nothing anyways’ I thought. I set it by my sink, just in case something changed. I left the bathroom and started cleaning around the house. I had a few hours before I needed to leave for work.

Just a couple minutes later I went into the bathroom again to put something away. I stared down at the test sitting on the counter. Positive.

There was no way. This is impossible. How could this be.

I raced to the nearest store to get another test. Came back home, and took it. This time almost immediately the results showed. Positive.

The rest of the day I waited impatiently to hear from him again, to see what time he would be home. Suddenly the conversation of moving in together was no longer important. Soon I would have to tell him this news, and I had absolutely no idea how he was going to take it.

 

 

 

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