Who am I?

I guess it’s time I introduce myself and give a little back story.

I’m 24 years old. I grew up in a small town and lived there up until just a couple years ago. I moved to a bigger city a couple hours away to get my bachelors degree.

When I was 18 I found out I was pregnant with my boyfriend. That pregnancy came with as much surprise and unpreparedness. I had a beautiful baby girl.  Her father and I split up after she was a year old, and we share custody although it’s still an on-going battle.

Thus far, the life I had imagined when I was younger has been far from the life I have lived. But time and time again I’ve been reminded that everything happens for a reason, I’m a big believer in that.

I enjoy the outdoors, love to go skiing, camping, ice skating, hiking, etc. I also love movies and am a fequent Netflix binger. I used to enjoy going out and enjoying the night life scene, but even before this pregnancy it started to loose its pizazz that it had in the beginning.

I have struggled with depression and anxiety throughout my life and I have been working to better myself.

Once again I feel like I am restarting my life and many of my dreams that seemed within reach are now postponed for a later time.

But who am I now? For the past year I associated myself as his girlfriend.

I spent my weeks looking forward to our weekends and our holidays. I spent my days texting him. I spent so much time getting to know him and had grown so accustomed to doing things with him. And now, not only am I without him, but I am carrying our child that will soon be born into this world of mine.

But, I’m still trying to figure out my own place in this world. Yet, soon, I will be bringing another life into it.
And honestly I’m scared to death.
But I wake up everyday and I try.
I tell myself it will be okay. I tell myself that there’s a bigger picture here, and I can’t see it all just yet.

I’m searching to reconnect with myself, and to learn to love myself again, because in our relationship I spent so much of myself loving him, and devoting my life to please him, that in the end I lost much of myself.

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